I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He? As in you personified your dick?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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