that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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