It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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