I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Too much gin, very little bucket
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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