Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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