watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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