Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
