Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
