New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
