I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Holy shit dude........stairs
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