If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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