I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
