Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
