dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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