I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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