i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
