my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
