I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
