and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
