You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
