remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
