she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
