Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
