Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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