I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
