So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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