And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
