Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
