she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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