make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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