And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
