They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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