and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
