I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
