I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The power of my boobs compel you
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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