he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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