i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
