Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The feeling are messing with the penis
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
