sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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