Kiss
Puke
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
