So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
