i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
