Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Couch. On fire.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
