I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
