So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
