Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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