Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
