these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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