so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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