I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
