I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
