is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
