dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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