some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
