I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
