Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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