you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What a dumb baby whore.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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