he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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