Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
