Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
