do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
