mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
