i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
